Last night I dreamed that I lost both my kids on the beach. I was frantic and ran to the police station to report it. There I was told that I had to wait 24 hours to file a missing persons report. I insisted that they couldn't make it 24 hours without me but the cop was adamant. It was horrible and I woke up shaking. Guess it doesn't take Freud to figure this one out.
I've always hated the thought of growing older. I come from a long line of women who proudly lie about their age and thought that getting old was one of the worst things that can happen ( aside from the alternative-nod to Kane). Now I'm discovering another horror- having your kids getting older. While I am amazingly proud of the incredible people they are growing into I get sad as they need me less and less and as their lives become less weaved into mine. My D is off to Italy for 4 months and I can not wrap my head around the fact that I will not be seeing her for so long and won't be talking to her all the time! Is it too late to say I changed my mind about letting her go? draft

random stuff

1. I can not believe my son does not know who Farrah Fawcet is. Isn't that hair,that smile and that red bathing suit eternal?

2. It's obvious who killed Michael Jackson. That governor of South Carolina will do anything to get the news media to leave him alone. But I think doing in Billy Mays was over the line.

3. Watching my son plopped in front of the TV and not being able to yell ' turn that off and get to work' is really quite frustrating. Though perhaps not as frustrating as seeing him watch TV when he has work to do!

4. If your 17 year old son gets up everyday and goes off to work without a complaint or any sign of exhaustion or illness is there a legitimate reason to make him stop coming home at all hours? Aside from the fact that I want to?

responses

Wow- several folks e mailed me to offer comments, suggestions, etc about my last post. My friends are wonderfully intelligent and insightful; but who didn't know that. Not only were the responses welcome but I was surprised at how flattering it felt to have people read what I wrote and be effected enough to take the time to comment. It must be mind blowing to be a real ( published) author and have 100s of people write to you in reaction to what you wrote.

Also I just realized that when I hit publish it actually sends the whole post to people. I thought that might be annoying so I'm changing so I just send an e mail that lets you know I've posted and a link. If you want me to go back to the old way just let me know!

reorienting my brain or at least my attitude

Ah too long, I know but not due to having nothing on my mind I assure you. I've just been pondering how to walk that fine line ( or even where the hell the line is) between expressing my thoughts and maintaining some privacy.Well not really my privacy so much as my kids who I tend to blog about. Perhaps I lack the complete disregard for privacy that is necessary for a true blogger.
I've been trying to completely change the way I deal ,emotionally, with my son. He knows where he wants to be in terms of college and what he needs to do to get there. His goals are totally within his grasp. So it drives me completely insane when he comes home from school and instead of working he talks to his friends, watches hulu, and updates his facebook. I have pushed, punished, and pleaded all to no effect. So I've decided that he has all the information and abilities he needs to achieve and if he chooses not to use them there is really nothing I can do. If he doesn't wind up accepted to a college he wants, it is his decision, not mine. While of course I'll be upset I can't spend every day of the next months stressed out of my mind. So I'm taking a lot of deep breaths and doing a lot of shoulder shrugging. I still nag, of course, but I'm cutting out the obsession and dwelling!

out with the old...

I never kept a car for 100,00 miles and really wanted this to be the one. But not all dreams can come true. Somewhere around 91,000 miles the car started to give the fatal signs that it was about to become, unlike many wives, not cheaper to keep her. The steering column began leaking fluid, a vale needed replacing...So against my will I was off car shopping. I was determined to buy a hybrid and went by the Toyota, Ford,and Saturn dealers. First let me say that judging from my limited exposure to two Ford dealers under no circumstances should these people be receiving any bail out money. Given the state of the economy we expected to be swamped with kindness in every dealer. In both the Ford dealerships we went into we were met with indifference and neglect. Maybe everyone working there is independently wealthy and just has the job to kill time?
The sales guy at the Toyota dealer was amazing; the perfect blend of competence, and friendliness you want in a salesperson. In addition they were giving some great deals on the 2009s and were overly generous on a trade in price on my car. We loved two of their cars; one being the Toyota highlander hybrid SUV. A really nice car, everything you could want. But I had to be honest with myself- I really no longer need 7 seats. After so many, many years of car pools to school, sports, dance and bar mitzvahs it was hard to admit that I no longer needed to be chauffeuring large groups of kids around night after day. Weird and sad.
So I stepped away from the SUV and am now the proud owner of a Toyota Prius! Pretty exciting. I just picked it up last night and am finding it quite fun.
So in well fell swoop I saved the planet and stimulated the economy. What did you do today?

back to reality

Ok, Florida was fun but coming home- not so great. My son had been sick for a bit while I was away which really stunk. Nothing worse than a phone call from your kid telling you he has a fever and feels awful when you are a plane rde away. Massive Mom guilt. Thankfully I have great friends and one scooped him up,took him to the Dr. for me and even dropped off his script at the pharmacy. I arrived home on a Tuesday evening planning to use the next day to settle back in before work on Thursday. At 2:30 that night, my son, woke up with 101 , so school was ,again, out of the question. Wednesday morning on the way to drop the very dirty dog off at the groomer my car starts to buck and shake requiring an immediate detour to a mechanic. He informs me that under no circumstances should I drive it home. Great. Once again, I was rescued by a friend who dropped me at home where I spent the rest of the day running up and down the stairs to bring soup and water to my kid. One nice thing, the weather is nicer at home than in Florida!

back from florida-Real Version!

Back from my annual girls trip to Florida! I can not believe we have been doing this for almost 15 years through 2 pregnancies, a house change or two, a friend change or two, 2 snow storms, but all in all pretty intact. Movie night continues unchanged; a grat chick flick with popcorn for dinner and ice cream for dessert, chopped salads for lunch and the essential trip to Loehmanns. This year for the first time ever we had terrible weather; 7 straight days of cool, cloudy and gray. Some days were so cold you couldn't even be outside. Now anyone can get along when the days are sunny and the biggest decision you have to make together is pool or beach. But it takes true friends to be able to hang out together in crappy weather and still have a great time.
What to do in Florida when the weather is bad and you are burned out from shopping? What else but look at houses! The bad economy has hit Florida real estate pretty hard and the agents are able to show you house after house of foreclosed properties. All the houses are empty and while they are in good shape the bank doesn't bother to keep them up the way a homeowner would; the landscaping is let go and the refrigerator and washer dryer have been stripped. I have this vision of walking into a bank in Florida and seeing hundreds of refrigerators piled up in the lobby. Maybe they give you one if you open an account instead of a toaster or an electric blanket. One house was unbelievably depressing. It seemed liked the owners must have left in the middle of the night. There were open boxes of cereal in the kitchen, a basket of dirty towels in the (former) laundry room, and a half painted wall in one bedroom. What was as depressing as the fact that these people abandoned the property so quickly was the fact that there is so much available that no real estate agent even bothers to clean it up.
The girls left on a Sunday and I got to spend two great days with my folks. Still lousy weather but we had lots of fun. Off to another Loehmanns with Mom, a house stocked with amazing food; lox, madelines...and great dinners out. It was terrific being together.

Book Club

Joining a reading group often feels like joining a new table at the high school cafeteria; an experience filled with nerves, anticipation and possibly horror. I've been in three so far. All three offered intelligent interesting women, some great discussions and a good choice of books. However...The first one was a group that had been together for quite a while before I joined. In addition, they all knew each other outside of group. The first few minutes of each meeting were filled with social chatter about events that they had all participated in and people they all knew; all except me of course. Not so much fun. The second group was much more warm and welcoming but unfortunately I joined in it's waining days. The 'leader' had left for personal reasons and the group just had trouble hanging on without her. On occasion only 2 or 3 us even showed up. It disbanded. The third group I joined right from it's formation which eliminated the new kid in town syndrome. Most of the women do know each other in some way better than I do but it's not cliquey or snobby or in any way mean! The women are bright, interesting, prompt, and all around nice. Still first date nerves never really go away. Showing up to a total strangers door, hoping you have something interesting to contribute, wondering if you talk too much, or maybe not enough. Well, I am loving it so here's hoping third times the charm.